For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.

For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of "knowing everything."

For every woman who is tired of being called "an emotional female," there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.

For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.

For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.

For every woman who feels "tied down" by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.

For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.

For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.

For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.


By Nancy Smith
Copyright 1973

***

Happy women's month!

Yeah I know this is way too early. But i want you guys to prepare! hahahaha. I thought about this really hard. A list of what I want at this moment. I may not need them, but I want them. So if you want to make me happy, gimme?? :) 

In order of importance, Mutya's 2008 birthday wish list (yep I'm turning 28 in 2 months!)

1. Love me if you dare! This is a film I watched 4 years ago (i think). I haven't checked metrowalk yet, but be a doll and buy me a pirated copy. I loooooooooooove this movie so much!!!

 

2.  Aimee Mann's Smilers CD special set - uhm, i'll probably buy this next month, but if you insist on buying me, tell me beforehand!!! (LOL)

 

3. Juliana Hatfield - How to Walk Away CD. Again, I would probably buy this too. Sigh. I can't think of anything else you could buy for me.

4. Oh I know, how about Apocalyptica? Calling Chad Samaniego! Where are you? hahaha (don't kill me Pia)

5. This list wouldn't be complete without Neil. oh my, my dear, wealthy cousin, Makri, i'm expecting this from you. hehehe

6. Orrrrrrrrr, you could get me a Lomo Splitzer. I lost mine 2 weeks ago. :(

7. And if all else seem pricey and so not worth the effort, you could always give me bath gels. I love bath gels!

8. Or score me some expired 35mm slide films!!!! I love Fuji Sensia and Fuji Velvia! Ok din if not expired! Paging JP Alipio!

9. The best din if you buy me a Dementia cake. Or a Flourless chocolate cake. Or anything na dark chocolate.

10. If wala talaga kayong pera, sige card na lang. Gandahan ang dedication. Or gumawa ng tula. It's the thought that counts. I know. I know you love me. I'll be leaving in a week. I'm sure you'll miss me. :)

 

 

a month ago, my desktop crashed. all my mp3 were deleted and it's okay. i told myself i can get by without updating my ipod

my ipod crashed this morning. 30gb worth of memory. all gone.

and i'm still reeling from the shock

a month ago, my desktop crashedall my mp3 were deleted and it's okay. i told myself i can get by without updating my ipod

my ipod crashed this morning. 30gb worth of memory. all gone.

and i'm still reeling from the shock

Padyak Para sa Binhi ng Kordi

24 hours of mountain biking for new trees in the Cordillera

November 2008



“Over 24 hours, every kilometer counts… But then what about doing it over Cordillera Kilometers???”



Roughly this would constitute the short discussion that lead to the crazy idea of riding non-stop on mountain bikes over rough Cordillera back roads. “How far can we go in the span of 24 hours simply by pedaling our way through bumpy, muddy, rocky roads of the Cordillera Central.”



Cordillera Kilometers: In the mountains it is not only the terrain that will define your ride –yes there are big rocks and mud but there are also winding roads, endless climbs, and long rocky downhills. And every meter that you go up is a little less Oxygen available to feed your lungs. That is what constitutes Cordillera Kilometers.



To make this more than simply a physical challenge the team; composed of JP Alipio, Ben Muni, and Donni Gonnatice, will be doing this 24 hour challenge for the benefit of the mountains in which they play in. Much of the Cordillera Mountains have in recent years suffered severe deforestation from logging and other human activity that has slowly deteriorated the quality of the forests in the region. Many of these forests are important watersheds and repositories of biological wealth that may be lost to time if the deforestation is not slowed.



In an effort to promote re-growth in already deforested areas the 3 riders will dedicate each kilometer that they will be able to cover in 24 hours towards establishing a seedling fund to plant new seedlings in the many denuded areas of the mountains.



We are encouraging everyone to help in the cause for the Cordillera Forests and would like to invite interested individuals, establishments, companies, and organizations to donate money or seedlings per kilometer that the riders will be able to cover in the span of 24 hours.



SEEDLING PLEDGE MECHANICS: To make your pledge all you have to do is write us an IOU of how much you would like to pledge per kilometer –it can be as low as 1 peso or as high as 1000 pesos you can even pledge seedlings instead of cash e.g. one seedling per kilometer.



At the end of the 24 hour ride this coming November the riders will tally the total distance that the team will be able to cover and that will be multiplied by the pledge that you have promised. You will be sent a notice of how much your total pledge will be so you can officially donate the funds for the seedlings. Donations will be through Bank deposit and Globe G-cash or Seedlings will have to be delivered.



For Bike Shops: Since we will be training for this ride over an extended period of time (from June-November). Bike shops can pledge equipment for the riders to use during training and especially for the ride itself. We will not be needing whole bikes but mainly spare parts as this much training over this terrain tends to destroy even the most expensive of bike parts.



Equipment List for all 3 riders:

1. 6 pairs of Tires: Tire Preference: Size 2.1: Kenda Dread Treads/Nevegals/ Maxxis Ignitor/ WTB Velociraptor / Panaracer Fire XC Pro

2. 8 pairs of V-Brake Pads and 4 pairs of disc brake pads

3. 6 Chains: XT 9 Speed Chains

4. Chain Oil: 3 Bottles

5. 10 Pieces Inner Tubes

6. 3 sets gear cables

7. 3 sets break cables

8. 6 Water bottles

9. 3 pairs Full Finger gloves (medium)

10. 6 pairs of cycling shorts (medium)

11. 3 sets of Shimano hub bearings and Rubber Cup Seals



For Corporate Pledges:



We do not plan to have any logos on the jersey’s of the riders besides the logo of the Padyak para sa Binhi ng Kordi in order to focus to make this as the main focus of the ride. But corporate sponsors who will be pledging a minimum of PhP300/Kilometer will have their logos on all the press releases and statements to the media for the Padyak para sa Binhi ng Kordi.



***All pledges (Individuals, Bike Shops, or Corporate) will also be announced and published after the ride is over on a broad variety of news mediums. (Print, Internet, TV, Radio). If you wish to keep your pledges anonymous we will not make your donations public.



For those interested in making pledges and supporting the ride please send us an email with the completed pledge form at: padyakbinhi@gmail.com. For Corporate pledges please get in touch with us directly through email. Nei Castro of the UP Baguio Mountaineers has volunteered to be the contact person for the pledges and will be handling all the pledges for the Padyak para sa Binhi ng Kordi.



During the ride itself you can track the riders’ progress online at http://padyakparasabinhi.multiply.com/ or at select local establishments in Baguio City which will keep an update board of the riders’ progress.



Seedling Pledge form:





I ____________________________ would like to pledge __________________ pesos or ___________________ seedlings per kilometer that the 3 riders will be able to cover in 24 hours.



At the end of the 24 hour challenge I promise to honor this pledge for Cordillera Seedlings and help slow the rate of deforestation happening in Cordillera Forests.



Signed:







_____________________________

Signature over Printed Name



Mobile Number: ____________________________



Email Address: ____________________________________



Website/ Blog if any: _____________________________

Woke up disoriented and burning. I thought I had a fever churning. And then I remembered. I am back in my own room after 4 nights of sleeping in different places.

I have been a witness to the glorious beauty of The Cordilleras and am still struck dumb on how I’d recount this experience coherently.

I remember being nervous in meeting and conversing with new people, entrusting your life with people you haven’t met before, and generally being my usual pessimistically raised, paranoid, only-child-syndromed self.

But then, the sights were amazing! The mountain range was arranged in a wide stretch for my eyes to feast on. The air was cool and clean and with expansive gulps I devoured - ready to experience and absorb….. everything.

Met interesting, passionate, amazing, creative and outstanding people. Emil with his surprising McGyver skills, Ben with his never-ending patience. JP with his remarkable culinary expertise!

Revelled in the intense power of Ambuklao Dam and its endless downpour

Walked with the rain pounding on my back in a muddy mountain trail with my bare foot strapped in sandals.

Lost footing three times and almost died (JP said probably not, but I disagree, there was nothing but air to catch me if he wasn’t able to grip my arm).

Slept with the windows open and butterflies flying about a room, with a still moth in the wall.

Slept in a tent, underneath the stars, in cold, biting air.

Slept in a 4x4 while its wheels were clobbering against a rocky road, the seatbelt digging against my clavicles, and my head bobbing all over the passenger’s seat.

And I slept soundly and peacefully like never before.

I climbed mountains. And walked.  Endlessly.  My sandal-strapped feet were no match against the rocks and sand. I used my bare hands to grip rocks and soil, bore a lot of scratches from the blade grass as well.

Found out that the descent was even more difficult. There were countless of times I wanted to cry in frustration on how I would go down the steep trails without breaking my inexperienced neck. Ben found me a good walking stick that I could use for support, but mostly I just used my butt to slide myself down the steep, dry slope.

Proved that saying “fuck” in succession, sitting on a rock and trying to conjure a helicopter doesn’t do anything. Nothing will ever work if I didn’t move my butt and just go down. Realized that if I didn’t stand up and just dare to go down, then I would forever be in that same place. Unmoving, accomplishing nothing, and stuck.

As with all other things, we treasure things we work hard for. The climb towards Pongasan cave and making it back to the valley is my favourite part of this trip.

Ate one of the best pastas ever! JP’s “The Pongasan Pasta” which contains God knows what.

Witnessed simple people leading simple lives. But simplicity doesn’t mean ordinary. I met courteous, timid, warm, tireless, hardworking, extraordinary people. Fishermen, fish sellers, farmers, the lowlanders and the highlanders. All were part of this glorious, breathtaking place!

Peed on the grass! Butt-naked in ice cold weather!

Woke up early to watch the sun rise. It was a hedonist’s dream. The early morning sky in its vast entirety topped the intimidating mountains, while the sun plays peek-a-boo. The lake confined by the earth, reflected the majestic rays. There were moments  I wanted to weep in astonishment with all that I’m witnessing and I feel blessed for being given that privilege. In our fast-paced lives we forget to wait for stuff like these. The morning alarm will ring; we turn it off to snooze, be grumpy and bargain for more minutes of sleep.

Hardened blisters, dirty nails, scratches in my arms, oily hair, 2 days of bathing only in sweat, sun-kissed, happy.

Saw the vast expanse of the mountain range, how mountains merge and meet, divide and disperse. It was so high up I feel the clouds moving against my skin.

Met a series of unfortunate events that in its own wild way, became a part and parcel of what it takes to be in the wild.

Recognized that the unexpected will continually harass and keep you in your toes.

Events lead to other events and it’s all a part of the grand master plan that is:

To be. Whatever it takes.

We dared to be and as a reward, we became.

 

 hard core :)

dejected i gave in to this feeling of helplessness

the frustration of not getting what you want

the irrational tease of a jealous fit in anticipation of a rage

the fear of losing the faculties of your mind because your heart feels

i am not one who gives in to the petty whims of this silly organ

but apparently,

my heart is a river and these tears are its falls

i am flailing

i am struggling

i am failing

to float

 

we visited this place twice.
in the afternoon with a soft drizzle,
the air cold, the waves harsh and pounding
i was hypnotized by the majestic circling of propellers
i stood in awe
jaws dropped
eyes glazed in manic delight
we ran in circles
in utmost joy
in ecstasy

in the morning where the sun was up
the wind, dry
sand, stones flying
pricking all over

this giants stood
mocking us
daring us to intrude

i hurt all over
but it was worth it

1. i started a truly interesting 6-part comic series by my chemical romance's gerard way:

and i couldn't find a free download of the 6th issue anywhere. fuckkk!

 

2. finished off the 2nd season of my favorite tv series:

 

3. watched a stage adaptation of anne sullivan (the miracle worker)

4. saw jown and glenn get married.. awww.

5. went to feu for mcap and found out my bogus differential was actually the diagnosis!! hhaha

6. attended my first staff meeting.

7. flooded the sink with green, smelly, crap from a hollow, fucking viscus. no shit! :)

i guess i've been really productive this week. :)

didn't know you could load a regular film on a lomo lc a+ :) anyway, I took pictures while wandering the streets of malabon and found a couple of kids swimming happily in a garbage and god knows what else infested water.

bottomline is: they are fucking happy.

Release Date:
US January 15, 2008
UK/Europe January 21, 2008


DISC 1:
01 novocaine for the soul (live from hell)
02 fucker
03 my beloved monster (live from tennessee)
04 dog's life
05 susan's apartment
06 manchester girl (BBC)
07 flower (BBC)
08 my beloved mad monster party (BBC)
09 animal
10 stepmother
11 everything's gonna be cool this christmas
12 your lucky day in hell (michael simpson remix)*
13 altar boy
14 novocaine for the soul (moog cookbook remix)
15 if i was your girlfriend (live) (previously unreleased)
16 bad news
17 funeral parlor
18 hospital food (BBC)
19 open the door (BBC)
20 birdgirl on a cell phone
21 vice president fruitley
22 my beloved monstrosity
23 dark end of the street (live) *
24 the cheater's guide to your heart (live) *
25 useless trinkets*



DISC 2:
01 mr. E's beautiful remix
02 souljacker part I (alternate version)*
03 dog faced boy (alternate version)*
04 jennifer eccles
05 rotten world blues
06 can't help falling in love
07 christmas is going to the dogs
08 mighty fine blues
09 eyes down
10 skywriting
11 taking a bath in rust
12 estranged friends*
13 her
14 waltz of the naked clowns
15 i like birds (live)*
16 sad foot sign
17 living life
18 the bright side
19 after the operation
20 jelly dancers
21 i could never take the place of your man (live at Town Hall)
22 mr. E's beautiful blues (live at Town Hall)
23 i want to protect you*
24 i put a spell on you (live)*
25 saw a ufo*

* previously unreleased


OH and that Rivers Cuomo CD!

Around lunch time while signing out with Dr. Narciso last Monday...

Dr. Kit: What do you guys want for lunch? My treat!

Me: It's okay Dr., we'll buy our own na lang..

Dr. Kit: No it's okay, I'M RICH.

**

Later that day while viewing a mesenteric cyst in the microscope..

Dr. Kit: Yes, it is lined by ciliated columnar epithelium.. Look at the beautiful Cilia! You could almost sit on it!!

**

I love my consultants :)

Bored to my wits, I tried to wrestle this clinical path book for dummies when..
Dr. Zam arrived!

As usual he made lewd jokes inappropriate for someone his age hahahaha.

FIRST HIRIT:
While eating lunch we discussed about things we couldn't live without. I was thinking of answering french fries when Dr. Zam answered for me, "Jasper".

"No Dr. Zam, Jasper is not a thing.."

In which he quickly replied, "Eh di Jasper's thing"

oooohkay.. :)

SECOND HIRIT:
I told him I was going to a Halloween party this Wednesday dressed as a goth/vampire/mistress of darkness. Then he told me to bring Jasper as my "victim". I said that would be cool and he would have bite marks with blood and shit..

But then he told me, "hindi, 'wag mo na lagyan ng dugo, HICKEY na lang"

oohkay!


* Dr. Zam is my favorite pathologist. And he is 72 years old.

i still can't get over the fact that we can't be friends

but the sadness had gone, replaced by a pervading disbelief

i guess this is THAT constant reminder that i have much to learn about humans, human interaction and that i am not alone in this world and that i am bound to interact with somebody.

and sometimes i check myself for being anti-social and i try to get out and loosen up a bit and this is what i get - a bewilderment.. for being blindsided by a totally insignificant person..

and now i just i couldn't help but feel like i'm wasting time knowing new people, when you know everything is, well, fleeting. and everybody's going to die.

and sometimes, i feel so hopeless without any thought or feeling other than, "what's the point of it all? we're all going to die anyway might as well just rot here and wait without any fucking effort"

and sometimes i'm okay after my hormones have normalized or after the tide has passed.

and sometimes i feel like regressing and then i converse with you - my sweetest, fucking downfall - again and again and again

and sometimes i'm happy with you - you serious freak - but we have this mutual understanding that you don't and will never love me as more than a friend.

and i am grateful for thursday that i realized i made the right choices and i don't regret anything i did no matter how silly or superficial or naive it may seem.

and i am thankful because i'm hopeful and i am grateful that i'm not hateful and it's wonderful because i know life is beautiful.

today is the 5th day of my menstrual period. and i feel good

She is the girl with stars in her eyes,
A gigantic head floating in fluffy clouds
A heart yearning for a magical place
Prancing around in a hopelessly idiotic face

That girl’s heart would want to skip a beat
And her little ear would love a tickling whisper about limitless possibilities
She can be your slave driver, your friend, your goddess, your whore
She'll be your everything, your every thing, the very thing you'll ever adore

it's cold out
and i tried to get warm
wrapped myself with sadness
and hugged it close.

"i missed you so, where have you been?"

strange, i know
but i find being sad oddly comforting

sadness would never leave you
happiness is fleeting

i miss feeling this way
this sadness that i know so well
still, the tears wouldn't come
and i wonder

maybe i am happy

2am
groggily went inside the comfort room in the director's office
shut the door
pulled my scrubs down
was about to pee when,

a rodent came out of nowhere and tried to get out of the door but wasn't fast enough

i shrieked and jumped twice
opened the fucking door
to let the fucking little rat thing out
(all these with scrubs down, no regard whatsoever as to who might see)

the little creep got out

and then i peed.
into the bowl, of course

this nun had multiple lesions on mri
it was biopsied and initially read as astrocytoma, grade 2 to 3
then yesterday, jtz found numerous schistosoma eggs!
cool!
shit is it blasphemous to be amazed about her case? i mean, schistosomiasis in the brain?? my god!

**

i interviewed a nun for fnab of the thyroid
she looked like she was in her 40s but then when i asked her i was so surprised she was in her 60s. ang galeng. good people really have this aura around them. a youthful gleam. maybe a halo.

i remember a sermon last year about being pure. that virgins exude this amazing glow.

what do you see when you look at me?

**

third encounter with the holy people:
saw cadhit again after 4 years
i still can't get over the fact that he has a calling
michael george cadhit
our class president
we used to stare at the bulge on his pants you know
so it's kind of unsettling that he now wears the black garb of a seminarian, is fluent in spanish, and prays most of the time

in grade school i thought i had a calling too
but then i deviated from the lonely path of chastity hahahahaha
the longing to do a lot of good is still the same
but i know the price
and i am not ready
not yet

**

when i'm with you i am inspired to be good
when i'm with him i let go of the evil within

i am both
but what will i choose in the end?

it's been a while
i'm not even supposed to be here
but i am.

this would have to suffice
or else i'd fall deep into misery
only happy thoughts from now on

**

my usb crashed
lost my samsung blackjack
with them, files i haven't saved in the laptop or pc
rained like crazy
missed my trip
didn't go to work

not miserable
just lost

**

hung out with van
sent me this pic i didn't know she took



still shaky
but otherwise
okay

I am wonderful
bloody marvelous
the scariest girl you'll ever meet